MAUAHAHAHHA!

fuck school!!!

 I QUIT 

LIVEJOURNAL FUCKING SUCKS BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE: 
A) COMPLETELY MISINTERPRETS POETRY THATS SUPPOSED TO BE ART
B) CAUSES STUPID INSANE DRAMA THAT IS FUCKING UP EVERYONES LIVES.



if you are MY FRIEND. and you still wanna hear me speak, go to my myspace blog. 
im taking my freewrites and thoughts where they cant be heard by people who thinks everything revolves around them. 

(ps i will keep friends with a SELECT few whom i enjoy reading[key word here ENJOY.].)

resolutions
mix with online
tick tock
tick tock
up and down go the times
with the clock

a pit of terro deep and wide
filling slowly up its sides with
great strong waters that roar around
peaceful outside
the gyre in-


yes one day i actually said "omg my life is so second coming"
and it was blissful!

(im terrifiededlly happy right now.)

 i guess michael 
but it was mitch
mitch mitch mitch
and annaaaaa
ana!
and i never got the other girls name
i will though
next time

("have you met me yet?")


we stray cash and buy
undies
and i smile happily
dance awkwardly - (though missing my DANCE PARTNER!)
and wear dresses on bikes

oh i rode past your house a few times
and shed many tears
each night
over my lack of snow
god what the hell

stacy london-
you make me
life joyful
with silver
trenchcoats.

i am unable to make judgements on the passage of time because im just counting down the days until i can drive and until i am not grounded and can make plans for the weekends again. its not that bad

everyday i wake up and see the sun breaking its way through the trees, today the sky was blue but not clear it was a rippled blue dark and waiting-
calm, 
the in between time of waking and realizing you awake i lie still and calm and breathing
a small warm cocoon feeling more alive and solitary than ever-
no its not that good its just
not that bad either

next week will be black
trust me.

 
i hate everythingggggg!!!


(ps lauren that picture is for you!)

 

my god i love the fall

 
im posting this. i hope the theme will be mod/rave for homecoming. i would appreciate brighton alot more if it was. but we seriously need to discuss the theme catchy name, because "dont stop believing" is a bit dated i think....?

"you alive!?"

 

yes i feel like running and dancing and being in the rain. it keeps me from being depressed, to hear the quiet splashes the obnoixious falling of water to earth. today i nearly started crying, the tears forming a ratatatat on the desk top and mascra playing the pollution white clouds pick up over oceans. that was math class. before that in art mrs wilson made me happy because she told me she cried when she saw  rothko too, the unsettling nature and depth, connect and indifference of canvas before you spill your own blood (its funny because as soon as you step in the room  you know what happened to rothko and some depth of you can understand why). then mr delacroix assured me that college would not be so bad, that there are many ways to be intelligent that that some people are just test takers, 
i felt alot better after that.

i ended up feeling good, then loosing it in a flurry of math mathmatical problems and gaining it again by having good friends, even teachers who will at least try to understand my frustration. 
thank god for empathy the rain and my friends i would be lost without them


(ps me and keri talked the other night about some deep things that i had never had the courage to ask anyone else because i was so scared of what they would tell me. one was something i have refused to talk about in certain situations. the other was just the way our minds work finding irony in life and literature in breathing.)

 
im posting this entry to cover up how i really feel right now
so im gonna listen to good music and post good pictures

i honestly have too much in common with stephan. besides the fact that i love the names stephan and stephane.


yes i feel like i am holding a spider razor right now. 
one day i will post a picture of my drawings of conversations and everyone will be confused because no one can possibly understand them except me!

(everything is okay except that nothing really is [so im just gonna sigh and feel better] !!)





edit:
i want to type more to explain things lately. we are about to move so my parents have been fighting(like they used to) over stupid things again. on top of that me and kelsi fought just last week. im beginning to see that my life has no stablitity and its making me want to cling to those few things i have that are the same. they are very few and far between. my mom took down all of her pictures in her room today and i made me want to cry. at this point the idea of moving scares me. i am going to keep my copies of the key so i can come back one day when i know the people who will move in arent home. i cant bear the thought of moving out. i only have a year here left why do we have to leave? 

its a growth i dont want. once i have my own room i will be lonely. i will have nothing to do except everything i do when i am alone. 
the next year is going to be really hard. the fighting, the moving, the college apps, the school work, the social life(or complete lack thereof) and the fear.
i am making a movie that is called either "The Class" or "My House" except i want to put it in a different language that has a more abstract meaning for house. im going to make it by myself because i dont want to deal with other people to be honest. im going to have to ask for help but thats not something i mind usually. i asked mrs fletcher for help and stayed after class today.

i feel like a girl whos wearing too little clothing laying on a fruedian couch underneith a disco ball in a room that is fulllll of colors of people and sunglasses and puppies and tvs and all i can do is lay there or dance there but its not a place i can get out of without imagining really hard what it is thats outside of the room. and i can only imagine house. (just so you know im not referring to him specifically, its an abstract idea at this point, it just happens to be his name. we dont even talk much really anymore.)

this livejournal has been discontinued until further notice.

aka until i screw my head back on and accept that somepeople never forget the past.

(ps i have texting now if anyone knowsss)

HAPPY EARTH DAY!

oh crap!

did we miss april fools day!?

 this big blank livejournal entry has been intentionally left blank.

Date:	2006-09-09 22:11
Subject:	i went to the coffee shop and talked to dr sue...
Security:	Public
Mood:	does that look cynical to you?
Music:	helium (it sounds good?)

jesus christ citizen kane
oh just jesus christ


i can feel nothing but sorry for him

[ he would have been a good man if he hadnt been rich,
i guess that the money threw his life away,
have to much of something worthless
well
when everyone else thinks so highly of it,
it sort of blows away the importance of existance]




pps : this movie was supurb, the shots, angles, mis en scene, i mean jesusmaryandjoseph
i can see why this is a movie about movies, it sets the standard, the shots were surprising ,effective, beautiful, and reaked of intent
its the most beautiful movie ive ever seen and seems to make all other films look sloppily filmed,
it is the madame bovary of film, the perfectly filmed film.

ppps: i went to br today and did this talky thingy with dr sue, i offically want to live in downtown, its so pretty,
we had to drive out to romans and it was horrible, ugly squat buildings and tacky color paints, no nature, no anything just blah!
so we are all gonna go run around in those fountains ok? they are just to hard to resist!
oh i cant wait to move to  new york, its gonna be downtown every day!

lover we had each other
for a long long time
but now that time is over and i have to wonder
was it love at all?

oh school!

OH O

HOW I WISH IT WERE SATURDAY!

actually i have alot of work to do before then!
and the backdrops will be in rothko style i need to finish today
i have a hair apt. tomorrow
plus gifts i need to complete
plus summer reading
plus i need to buy glowsticks, perfume (i know im late.), re dye my hair, wrap gifts
and who knows what else

plus
oh shizzle
who gives a flip?

katie

YES!
YES!
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

FINALLY A NEW LESS INTENSE LISTERINE!
IVE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THAT CLEAN MOUTH FEELING WITH NO HORRIBLE STING!

*ARM PUMP*
YES!

oh jesus how i've waited!
finally-